I was sitting at Target, minding my own business (ok, I was totally eavesdropping on the teenagers sitting behind us…) enjoying my Grande Medium Roast with heavy cream and a few shakes of nutmeg, scrolling through my newsfeed, when I saw it. “Starbucks Hates Christmas!”
HOLD THE PHONE!
MY Starbucks? The place I, a Christian, visit every single day (sometimes more than once) Hates CHRISTMAS? “But why? How could this be?” I wondered. I mean, I was literally drinking out of the festive seasonal Starbucks red cup! It WAS the Christmas cup, was it not?
It was not! It was, I learned, a “Holiday” cup!
“BLASPHEMY!!!!” I cried! (not really)
I looked across the table at my little Christmas loving elf, happily enjoying her specially made (with extra love) chocolate milk. How would I break it to her? How would I explain that we could no longer visit Starbucks for our favorite drinks and treats. We could no longer be friends with our favorite Baristas. Why? Because they were waging WAR on Christmas!!!!!!!!!!
Then, I looked around.
Christmas Blend? Hold up! If they hate the holiday so much, why did they create a whole “Specially Roasted” blend in it’s honor? They even made it from the finest Sumatran and Indonesian beans? You don’t do that for something you hate, do you? Is this some sort of trick? Is ISIS behind it?
And what is THIS?!
Does this mug feature…..CHRISTMAS ornaments?! No. Can’t be. Just abstract art, that’s all it is. Yeah. Art. (You know who just LOVES art? The LIBERALS!!)
Hmm. Is this an ornament? To hang on the CHRISTMAS tree??
Wait, guys…I’m truly confused. They look like ornaments… But, maybe that red one is some sort of communist decoration (Do the communists decorate? Are there May Day ornaments?) And that one on the bottom…maybe that’s a wrecking ball. Smashing it’s way through the pillars of the christian faith!!!! Yes that’s it! That kid DOES look like a hipster with his scarf and messy hair!
Maybe this mug will show their hatred of all things Jesus.
Yeah, look at that. Dots and stars. It’s more Mad Men than Nativity. Yeah, here we go. Wait…what’s that? There on the bottom…
Is that….Is that what I think it is? No..It can’t be. Let me look closer…
Sweet tap-dancing Jesus!!! IT IS! It’s a gosh darn CHRISTMAS TREE!!!!
Well, golly gee willikers! It seems to me that Starbucks doesn’t hate Christmas. In fact, it looks like they are pretty big fans! It seems that the Starbucks Red Cups are just that. Red. Cups. With no sort of sinister motives behind them.
Thank goodness, because for a minute there, I was really scared. I thought the Starbucks machine was going to come roaring through my faith, wiping out all the things that I hold dear. Like SANTA and PRESENTS! Thank goodness there is no war on Christmas!!
All photos are from the Starbucks website, where with a simple search of the word “Christmas” you can find all these AND MORE!!