She has your nose!

I really want need this baby to look like me.  I pray every night for blue eyes and strawberry blonde hair. For the sake of this child I also pray that it does not have my complexion. But the eyes, and hair….Please God!!  Dave has brown eyes, as do his parents…so I know the cards are stacked against me having a blue-eyed baby, but I’m holding out hope.
I know all mothers feel this way to some extent, it’s why we always tell the mom “Ohh she looks just like you” even though we know, in reality her little red-haired freckle faced daughter looks EXACTLY like her mother in law.   But for an adoptee, who has never looked like anyone in her family, it’s all the more important.

My dad is Italian (and Norwegian) He has dark, wiry hair, and deep-set eyes, he’s tall, he has the ability to tan in the sun. He looks exactly like Chef Boyardee. (seriously)  My Mom comes from a mixed background of German, French, English and Irish with some Native American thrown in for flavor. She’s also tall, with dark hair, and so tan in the summer you’d think she bathed in coffee.  Then there’s me. Average height, strawberry blonde hair, blue eyes, and skin so pale that I’d be lost if nekkid in a snow storm. (My mom used to say it was “peaches & cream” The cream may be accurate, but there ain’t no peaches here. My skin is white as copy paper) I have a little “pug” nose and some barely there freckles. In other words, I look absolutely nothing like my mom and dad.

I can’t say this really bothered me as a child, or even as an adult. I have cousins who look enough like me that people often thought we were sisters. People always commented that I looked just like my Nana. But it was different for me, while I do have the same nose as my nana, and I do have the same eye and hair color as my cousins, I still looked different. Especially from my mom and dad.

This baby will be my only blood relative. I have a very strong desire to have a family member that looks like me, who is clearly “mine” who is clearly a part of me.

Do your kids look like you?  Your spouse? The mailman?


  1. Barb says:

    I wish they looked like me. My brown eye gene was not strong enough. I have 3 kids, 2 have blue eyes and one has green! And somehow I even ended up with a blonde.(And every time someones asks me if she is the mailman’s I want to choke them.) They do all tan in the sun like me. But anytime I find something about them that could possibly be like me, someone from my husbands family is quick to point out how much that trait is just like like him or his sister. (Nice right?)

    • Sarah says:

      Every time I tell one of my friends “Oh wow, she definitely looks like your husband in that picture” I always feel bad! Like “Oh no, maybe they hear that all the time and just really want to hear “She looks just like you!” SO I try to always say “I see both of you in her” My paleness has definitely been pointed out over the years as being different from the rest of my family.

      Your kids are gorgeous, though, no matter who they look like! And they have pretty stellar personalities too!

  2. Upstatemamma says:

    Hmmm… now that is a complicated question for my family really. My son and my middle daughter do not look anything like me, obviously, since they were adopted. One from Guatemala and one from Ethiopia. Oddly enough my son does look just like my brother (technically a half brother) as his mom is Venezuelan. It’s actually really odd and amusing how much they look alike. My oldest daughter sort of looks like me. And my youngest looks more like my husband. When I was pregnant (both times) I actually hoped that my girls would not be born looking like me or my husband. I hoped that if all six of us did not look alike it was less likely to be an issue for my son or my middle daughter. Her especially, as no one looks like her. I try not to cringe when people have long conversations with me about who the two girls look like but it does make me uncomfortable.

    • Sarah says:

      I Definitely understand your point!! It’s different for me, being the one who is adopted….having never looked like anyone and growing up hearing people say how much my cousins look alike, or how much my mom and aunt and uncle look alike. Going to family functions on my father’s side, where everyone is 6ft tall, skinny, model material, and then there’s me…. 5’5″ with “curves” lol average…. I just really crave that similarity in appearance. I want to finally look like someone.

      My parents didn’t “care” When they were in the process of adopting. It wasn’t “We want a little white baby girl with specific features” they just wanted a baby. What I looked like didnt matter (They did get lucky since I was incredibly adorable as a baby…..don’t know what happened after age 3 haha)

  3. Beth @ TheAngelForever says:

    With boys it can be a bit harder for me to see me in them (perhaps a wig with pigtails would assist). As my oldest has grown up, he looks more and more like my hubby. Of course, the other day he looked just like my brother when he was a kiddo. So far the little guy seems to be keeping my lighter colored hair and vampire like skin. Oy, I can sympathize with you on that one. Both of the boys have blue eyes just like my hubby. Did I mention, I always wanted a cabbage patch kid that was bald with blue eyes when I was growing up? Never got the bald thing with them or my kiddos.

  4. JenB says:

    I have another friend who is adopted and when his first child was born, his wife commented about how the baby was his first blood relative (that he knew, of course). I’d never given any thought to it, but it’s powerful!

    As for your question, people say Keith and I look alike. It’s disturbing, given that he’s my husband, but we get over it. The mailman, fortunately (?) not – I am my father’s daughter….. Although, I never did meet the milkman. Haha!

    • Sarah says:

      Yeah, it really is a big deal..very powerful. You’re “alone” in a sense and then suddenly, you have someone you are truly related to.

      I don’t know if you saw my uncle Joe at the wedding (The gentleman in the white tux haha) He’s my Dad’s uncle, and they could be identical twins 20 years apart in age haha But my dad looks like my grandma (he looked like my Grandpa as a kid, tall, blonde hair, very Norwegian) Then he hit adulthood and suddenly became Italian.

  5. Michelle Goguen Moody says:

    My daughters look more and more like me as they get older .. it’s creepy. They even sound like me (especially Jaymee). My boys are a mix of me and Frank .. people say they look like me .. until they see their dad .. then they see the resemblance.
    I have blue eyes and brown hair .. my ex-husband has brown eyes and brown hair and our first daughter came out with blonde hair and blue eyes .. so you just never know. Unless both parents have blue eyes .. then its certain. So there is every possibility that this baby will look just like you .. and if not .. there’s always next time. :)

    • Sarah says:

      Your girls do look like you, and they both look so alike! (gorgeous by the way) And the boys, I see you in them as well.
      I guess we’ll see what happens in April. But you’re right, there is always next time haha

  6. twinswithtots (@twinswithtots) says:

    Well, I wish for you a gorgeous, blonde, blued eyed, needin’ 50+ waterbaby suncreen, freckled faced, cutie in April. You know you will adore her either way but it would be cool to have a little one who reflects you and your looks, especially since that has been something out of your reach until now. Keep cookin’ that babe but keep the oven on low she she stays undercooked. lol

  7. Elizabeth says:

    I share a similar story with you, I was adopted at 6 weeks old and looked nothing like my adoptive parents as they were Italian and I was English.
    I had my first child 10 years ago and she was the first person who I was blood related to that I could look right into the eyes. She looked like me and I was over joyed to experience something I had never before in my life experienced. It truly changes you, for someone who knows how it feels to not be blood related to their family it’s a moving experience.
    Shortly after the birth of my daughter as luck would have it, I met my birth father’s family. He had passed in 1993 never knowing about me and it’s a long story to how we got to meet but I felt blessed to have the opportunity!

    • Sarah says:

      Wow, Thank you for the comment! It’s great to hear from other women who have experienced the same thing. It’s definitely something only other adoptees can really understand.
      I have not met my birth family, I know who my birth mother is sort of, but have never really made any contact. That is wonderful that you had the opportunity to meet your birth father’s family!
      Thanks again!

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