I was offended yesterday. It takes quite a bit to offend me. I’ll joke about stuff, pretend to be mad, but you have to say something really vile for me to want to give you a swift kick to your teeth. Yesterday, I felt that way. And, honestly, it surprised me.
I was sitting down to have a quick bite to eat before heading out to Avery’s swim lesson when I overheard the conversation at the table next to me.
The conversation was between two girls. One, I’d guess, was in her thirties. The other, in her early twenties. Twenty something girl was talking about her fiance, who is adopted. She was a bit ignorant of the legal issues surrounding adoption, and the new legislation that was passed in Rhode Island, but that wasn’t what got to me. (Though, I’ll admit, it was difficult to keep quiet) The thing that bothered me was that she referred to her fiance’s biological father as “The Sperm Donor” REALLY?! (That was even more difficult to keep quiet about)
From what I gathered from the conversation, she did not know the man, or know the circumstances surrounding her fiance’s adoption.
A sperm donor is someone who walks into a clinic, makes his…..donation, and walks out with a check, with no further responsibility.
My biological father did not donate sperm. There was no paycheck at the end.
Let me say, I do not know my biological parents (I have been told a bit of what my parents know or think to be accurate) I do know that my biological father was a lot more than just a “sperm donor” If the story I know is true, he wasn’t the greatest of guys. He was cheating on his wife with my biological mother. He, allegedly, said he was going to leave his wife for her, until she got pregnant. So, a bit slimy, but still, more than a “sperm donor” There was love between two people, or at least some passion. In the same vein, my biological mother was more than an incubator. She just had no interest in raising a baby alone. Especially a “love child” And I respect that. I’m sure there were other factors involved, but she just wasn’t ready to be a mom.
I don’t hold negative feelings towards either of them. They made choices. Those choices may have hurt them. Their choices did NOT hurt me. I mean, yes, there are those deep rooted abandonment issues, the ones that every. single. adoptee. experiences (Even the ones who tell you they don’t? They do. It’s that whole “prenatal wounding” thing–which I truly believe in and could go one forever about.) They made choices. Did those choices have an impact on me? Of course they did! But only in positive ways. They made the choice to let me go, and to allow another couple to raise me and love me. The choice they made created a FAMILY. A loving couple got a daughter, and a baby girl got loving parents. They made the right choice for everyone.
I can’t look at the man and woman who created me as “Just a sperm donor” or “Just an incubator” They are people, and they gave me life. They gave me an amazing life, because they gave me up. And I am nothing but grateful to them.