Since I spent nearly a decade of my life working retail, (a privately owned Toy Store, Target, Babies R Us and Sports Authority) I consider myself a bit of a Black Friday expert. I’ve worked many, many, many (many) Black Friday “Sales” and I know all the secrets. So, I felt that I should share my knowledge with you all.
I’ve compiled a list of what I think are the best Black Friday Shopping tips:
1. DO NOT GO SHOPPING ON BLACK FRIDAY
Seriously. Don’t. I know, I know, “It’s family tradition” I get that, you enjoy standing outside in the cold, with 1,200 of your closest, fellow consumers. There is some fun in that mob mentality thing. “We’re all in this together!…..until the doors open, and then I will beat you to death with my travel mug of scalding coffee if you dare try and get that last George Foreman Grill! It’s MINE!!! I’LL CUT YOU!!!” Maybe consider starting a new family tradition. Like sleeping in. Maybe another round of “I am Thankful for….” My family has a tradition of “holding a grudge” over who cheated during the Thanksgiving edition of “Family Game Night.” We like our breakfast to be laced with bitterness.
“The SALES!!!” You say. “The DEALS!!” But, on what? You do realize that while that 50 inch TV may be $50, it’s a Panatomic or a Somy. And 90% of you will return them because they don’t work. I will never forget the APEX VCR/DVD players we sold at Target for like, $20. Almost every single one was returned. Because they didn’t work. And if there is something AWESOME on sale, the store probably has 5 of them and unless you’re 2nd in line (you know the first person in line is always the one who gets trampled to death) can run fast, and know how to throw an elbow, you’re probably not going to get one.
Also, I’ll let you in on a secret. Those fliers are deceiving. A lot of those prices aren’t sales, they are REGULAR prices! That BluRay player is “ONLY $99.99” just like it was last Tuesday, and will be next Tuesday. You just think it’s a sale, and the stores know that. I can also tell you that at every store I worked at, our Black Friday sale items were Still. On. Sale. for the rest of the season. Those items in the Black Friday flier, were in the flier the following week (and the wee after, and the wee after that) as well.
Oh! And! There is this new thing, Al Gore invented it, it’s called “The Internet” and stores have these things called “websites” where you can purchase “items” and you don’t have to worry about being trampled, shot, stabbed, or otherwise maimed in the process! It’s pretty cool.
I hope you find this tip helpful. I know many of you will ignore my warnings, and head out on the scariest shopping day of the year, and that’s fine, but if you get pepper sprayed for that last Furby, you can’t say I didn’t warn you!