Why We’re Not Trying for Baby #2…..Yet.

It seems like every day another friend/family member/stranger on the street announces their pregnancy with baby #2 or #3  (or #8) I think that is absolutely wonderful, but then come the questions “So?  When are you guys going to have another?”  “Are you trying?” “Why aren’t you trying?” “Don’t you want more?” “How could you NOT be trying right this second? Where is your husband?  Go get him and make a baby. NOW!”

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We definitely DO want more!  Dave and I are both only children, and we don’t want Avery to grow up with virtually no family (not only would she have no siblings, but she wouldn’t have any aunts, uncles or cousins either!! And that is heartbreaking to me!)

We want more. Just not today. Or next week. Or next month. And probably not even in 2014.

Heres why:

  1. We like our little family of three right now. It works for us. We’re happy.
  2. Our house is too small. Seriously. We could not possibly in any way, fit another crib in any room. Except maybe in the kitchen. If we removed the kitchen table. Then yeah, a crib will fit. Or in the basement, but the cats are really happy having that space all to themselves. And it’s cold down there. And it smells funny. We want/need to move to a bigger house first.

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  3. I don’t want to pay for twice the number of diapers every week/month. Let me get one kid out of diapers, then we’ll start again. I really don’t mind changing diapers so the whole “Ohhh don’t you want to just get the diaper phase over with asap?” argument doesn’t work on me. Diaper changes are no big deal.
  4. Avery deserves some time as the only child. She deserves time to be “the baby” Being an only child is actually really awesome, and while Avery will be a super incredible big sister at some point, she’s also a super incredible daughter, and I want her to get as much attention as possible right now.
  5. I’m not ready to go through labor again. I had an incrediblely rotten, no good, very bad, TRAUMATIC experience the first time. While I’ve worked through a lot of those emotions, I am still working on the rest.  I don’t really expect those who haven’t experienced what I experienced to understand this.
  6. Money, money, money, moneyyyy! Money. Could we afford to have another? Yeah, we could make it work. You can ALWAYS make it work. However I don’t want there to be any sort of struggle. I don’t want to scrounge for that extra $45 when we need to get a different kind of formula. I don’t want to take swim, or dance or soccer away from Avery because it’s just an additional expense that we can’t really afford. I don’twant to have to turn down job opportunities right now, when we really need them the most, because I just don’t have the time anymore. We are not rich people, and I just don’t want there to be any struggle for our kids. Adding another child is stressful enough without the added stress of financial issues. And, we don’t have to sacrifice anything ( I know, I know, sacrifice is part of being a parent, blah blah, I get it, trust me) If we want to go on vacation, we can. If Avery wants a Mickey balloon in Disney she can have it. If we want to go to a play or musical show we can (usually, though sometimes they are way to expensive for a family of 3 to afford!)

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  7.  I’m trying to work on ME right now. I’m trying to get myself to a much healthier weight, and a better lifestyle.  I don’t want to get pregnant again when I’m at my absolute heaviest. I was very healthy when I had Avery, and  I want to be as healthy as possible when I have a second child.
  8. I used to want my kids to be extremely close in age. I don’t want that anymore. I think three or so years apart is great. Being close in age doesn’t mean they will be the best of friends, and having a few years separating them doesn’t mean they’ll be distant.   We’ll take our chances that we’ll raise them in a way that will make them close, even if they have a “huge” age gap.
  9. We want to move.  Besides the whole “Our house is too small for a single hobbit” thing, we want to move. Away. I’d rather be settled in to a home before we have baby #2. Moving is terrible. (I know I’ve done it somewhere around 8010 times already) I prefer to move a family of three, not a family of four with a teeny baby. I just imagine I’d never, ever have time to unpack (Shoot, I still never have time to SHOWER and Avery is almost 2 and there’s only one of her!) and we’d be living out of boxes well into our retirement.

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  10. We’re just not ready yet. I think this is the only reason we need to give anyone. We just aren’t ready. Yet. We will be ready at some point. We just know that right now isn’t the time.

    Bonus. Only one carseat!!!  The thought of two (or three, or MORE!) carseats in my car makes me break out in a cold sweat. I would feel differently,though,  if I had that 2014 GMC Yukon Denali that I asked Santa for……

So, there you have it.  Our family of three is staying a family of three. For now. And we like it that way.

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9 comments

  1. Sharon - MomGenerations.com says:

    Having children, when to have children, how many children to have… and all that comes along with these decisions are so very, very, very personal. It’s personal enough that I cannot believe that people even ask… or better yet, think they have a corner on the decision. Blessings to your beautiful Family of 3 for as long or as forever as you wish it to be! xo!

  2. Melissa Hillas says:

    It always surprises me when people continue to ask personal questions like these. I know they are curious, but it is a very personal and individual decision, and I am sure you will share the answer with those closest to you! :-)

  3. Mary Larsen says:

    I think your family is absolutely perfect right now :) I wish people wouldn’t ask those questions – but instead just ask you about things that aren’t so personal in nature. Hopefully this post helps keep the questions at bay!

  4. Jen says:

    I agree – it is sooooo personal that reason #10 (as you already know) is the only one that’s anyone’s busin….wait…. actually nothing is anyone’s business!! If you would decide that you don’t want another kid… well, you basically summed it up in your post. With the personal thing, it’s sure universal. People ask Keith and me all the time why we don’t have kids. I’ll say that it wasn’t in God’s plan for us. It’s almost automatic that people ask why we didn’t adopt. It’s not like we are anti-adoption (quite the opposite, in fact), it’s just that when we were dealing with infertility it affected us in a very deep way and we were, for all intense and purposes, traumatized by the experience, and it made us take a close look at how we relate to each other and how we problem-solve, etc. I wound up very sick and was approved for disability. At that point, we decided that bringing any child into that situation was *not* a good idea. So, why don’t we have kids? None of your stinkin’ business! 😛 Except that I CHOSE to tell it here.

    We have to come up with some really ridiculous reason to explain our personal issues. I’m thinking it’s something to do with an earthquake and ensuing typhoon… or, some medical thing — like we both have . Hmmm, we have to think this through 😉

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