What We Say

I’m over the Miley drama.  Seriously. I said what I felt. Posted my personal feelings on the situations. I took the backlash from friends and strangers. Now I’m over it. Moving on….for the most part.

This whole thing really got me thinking about the impact our words have. Especially when we say them to or in front of our children.

What we say, as mothers (and fathers) to our kids has an impact. The words we use, the way we talk about others, it sticks with kids.   You know that one time you let the “F” word slip in front of your two year old and the next day he repeats it at day care drop off?  They are listening, and they are retaining.

I know many mothers who are trying very hard not to put themselves down in front of their kids. Not to say “Ugh I’m so fat! I have ugly feet! My hair is so gross!” And I think this is so important, but we also have to make sure we aren’t saying “OH that woman is so fat!  Look how ugly that man’s feet are!! Her hair is so gross!”

We are all guilty.  I have never pretended that I am perfect. I’ve said negative things about people. Everyone has. But, I am working to change that, and try harder to understand that everyone is in a different place in life, everyone has their own troubles. Also, I vow not bash other women in front of my daughter, as now she is growing, and will soon understand the things I say. I don’t want her to think it is right, or ok, to try and bring down other women.

I want the words that Avery hears to be positive, and raise her up. I want her to use positive words to raise up others.

I think back to my childhood & teen years and two moments truly stand out. Moments I will never forget.  One was positive. There is a man in my small hometown. He owned our “general store” and everyone knows  him.  One day, I was riding my bike past his store, a chubby kid with zero fashion sense.  I stopped to say “Hi!” to him and he said “Oh, Sarah, you get prettier and prettier every time I see you!”   I never felt “pretty” in my life, but those words stuck with me, and still do.  On days I’m feeling at my worst, I think back to that and hear his voice in my head and I feel better.

The other “stand out” was in my very late teens, early twenties (19 or 20) I asked my then boyfriend “If you could change one thing about me, what would it be?”  (An extremely loaded question, I know…but you know you’ve all asked a guy this at one time or another.)  He thought for a minute, completely uncomfortable with the question, and said “Your ankles!”  He thought this would be the best answer, as in his mind,  nobody cares about their ankles!  He thought it was an incredibly safe answer.  It wasn’t. And to this day I absolutely HATE my ankles!  In reality, there isn’t anything wrong with them.  I know that. They are fine, but, I’ll never forget those words.  It was the one thing he would change, there must be something wrong with them.

Now, in these two instances the words were being said TO me, ABOUT me, but had my boyfriend told me that another girl had “ugly ankles” I definitely would have been examining mine and comparing them to hers.

I think the same goes when your kids hear you refer to another girl as a “skank” or a “slut”

We all, especially parents, need to remember that the things we say, even in passing, are being heard.  Lets all try and use words that will bring happy memories to our kids and other adults in our lives instead of words that will make them feel “less than”

 

Note:  I don’t ask anyone to agree with me. If you disagree with anything I say, that is 100% fine, I welcome differing opinions.  However, I do ask that you please be respectful if you choose to leave a comment.

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