There is this Meme circulating through Facebook that has a lot of women at each others throats…
This is it:
It’s supposed to be about solidarity among mothers. That no matter how we raise our kids, we’re all in this together. Instead it’s brought about more negativity and judgment. I’ve written about the “mommy wars” before, and how it disgusts me. But that is not what this post is about.
Jen from Life with Levi posted this very picture on her facebook page and saw how nasty, and vile some women can be towards other women with different parenting styles. (If you want to see for yourself, here is the post) She then asked her readers to share what makes them a “Bad Mother”
Here is my list:
- We leave the house. Daily. This started at 2 weeks old (after I got over the PPD and Anxiety thing) I had women telling me how “AMAZING” I was for getting out and how “Brave” Uhm, no I just couldn’t stand the thought of being TRAPPED in this house every single day.
- Avery is 100% formula fed. And she’s happy, healthy and so far, has reached her milestones early.
- We co-slept for the first 5ish months before moving her to her own room. It wasn’t so much about bonding. It was about paranoia in the beginning and then about laziness. It was easier to roll over and hold a bottle for her every time she woke up than it is to get up and stand in her room, hovering over her crib every time she cries.
- We don’t “Cry it out” Ferber isn’t “for it” and neither are we. (Seriously, read his book and you’ll see he isn’t cool with babies crying for hours)
- We tried solids around 4 months! She liked it for a few days, then she wasn’t interested anymore so we stopped. We’ll try again at some point.
- Avery has watched TV. She watches A LOT of baseball and a little bit of “Dance Moms” If she’s quietly sitting on my lap and I can actually eat breakfast or lunch, then I say “THANK YOU” Abby Lee Miller!
- She is currently up to date on all her immunizations.
- She will not be getting the chicken pox vaccine.
- We don’t get flu shots in this family.
- I don’t always wash new clothes before she wears them.
- She doesn’t get a bath every night, or even every other night. She gets one after swim lessons, or after a blow out. But usually no more than twice a week.
- I tell her she’s pretty, and smart, and perfect, and the best baby in the world.
- I go out, alone, as often as I can. It’s not that I don’t ABSOLUTELY LOVE being with my daughter. It’s just that I also love hanging out with friends without distractions.
- I didn’t do a whole lot of tummy time, but Avery held her head up before a month old and rolled over both directions at 4 months. I think she’s ok.
- We don’t have a daytime schedule. She naps when she wants. I like it this way.
- We do have a bedtime routine. 7pm-PJs 7:30pm-bottle 8pm-bed. Every night.
- I brought my infant to New York City. She was surrounded by thousands of people. We walked around in all that gross NYC air. She rode in a taxi.
- We use disposable diapers. We tried the cloth ones. They never fit her correctly and she peed through them. Every. Single. Time. I’ll try again with Baby #2. But for now, disposables are great.
- I tell Avery about God and Heaven.
- Right now she’s in her pack-n-play, filled with toys, so I can get this post written. If she starts crying, I’ll move her to the Exersaucer. She enjoys her alone time as well. Independence is a good thing.
- I used to hold her. All. Day. Long. When we were at home. She’d scream if I didn’t.
- She has apps on my cell phone.
- I obsessively check her, via video monitor, at night.
- I spoil her. And I’ll probably continue to spoil her. If we can afford it, she can have it. If we can’t afford it, tough luck baby girl. I will always spoil her with hugs and kisses. Those we can always afford.
- I plan to tell her that the Easter Bunny, Santa and the Tooth Fairy are REAL. I’ll go to the ends of the earth to make sure she believes in magic for as long as possible!
- We use all natural cleaning products and I made my husband put down natural laminate flooring throughout the kitchen, hallway and nursery because I wouldn’t allow carpet or vinyl in our house.
- I put bows in Avery’s hair because I can’t stand when people think she’s a boy, even though I often dress her in blue, black and grey and she has more than one onesie from the “boys” section.
- Avery wears an amber teething necklace. Not because I think it works, but because I think it looks cute.
- She listens to The Rolling Stones and I hope that she’ll know all the words, like I did, by age three. We don’t listen to “baby music” because I find it intolerable.
- I love her, unconditionally, and would do absolutely anything for her.
I don’t feel the need to defend myself. These are my decisions, my choices. I shouldn’t be made to feel like I’m a terrible mom just because some other mom does things differently. My daughter is happy, she’s healthy, she’s thriving and she’s mine. I get to choose how to raise her, and it SHOULD be guilt free. It doesn’t matter what “you” think.
What matters is that Avery is safe, and she is LOVED.
And I think we’re all doing alright.