Phone calls, text messages, e-mail, facebook comments…..they keep coming through with questions, questions and more questions. I figured it would be easier to answer them here, than 1,975 times on all other forms of social media.
Please note: This post is exceptionally snarky.
#1 “Have you had the baby yet?” NO!! I have not had the baby yet. With her due date still over a week away I think it’s safe for us to all chill out a bit and allow nature to take it’s course. Don’t worry, I wont keep it a secret when I DO give birth. There will be announcements on Facebook, and twitter. E-mails and phone calls will go out. Especially to family and very close friends. YOU WILL KNOW when I have this baby. I Promise.
#2 “How do you feel?” I feel amazing, like I could run a marathon! SERIOUSLY? I feel like crap. But that is not what people what to hear. They want to hear how wonderful I feel, how happy and excited I am and how these are the best days of my life. Nobody wants to hear how exhausted I feel. I’m lugging around and extra 30lbs. This “precious little baby” inside me has compressed my ribs to the point of no return and it hurts, a lot. Standing makes me feel like I’m going to pass out. Sitting gives me searing back pain, and laying down makes me feel like my abdominal muscles are being ripped open. Nobody wants to know about acid reflux, gas, bloating, swelling, bowel movements and mood swings. Fun right? So, yeah, I feel WONDERFUL!!
**I am still NOT in labor**
#3 “Are you nesting?” Every time I mention that I did some sort of cleaning activity, I hear “OH!!! You’re nesting!!!” No. I’m not. I’m cleaning. I’m doing laundry. Even pregnant women still have to do dishes. It’s not a deep rooted, animalistic thing. Its an “I don’t want to be on the next episode of Hoarders” thing. I don’t WANT to do laundry, I don’t feel like folding 9,000 onesises, but It has to get done. Trust me, if anyone else wants to come over and do it, I’d be more than happy to take a nap while you fold fitted sheets.
**Nope, still no baby**
#4 “Are you having an epidural?” The answer is “Maybe” I don’t want to. We’ll see what happens. I’m taking this entire labor thing one step at a time. I know that you asked for an epidural the day your EPT came up positive. I know that labor felt like being torn apart by jackals. You’ve told me 163 times that I’m “Insane” to think I can do this without being shot up with every pain killer possible. But, hey, I’m still going to try! And that’s ok!
#5 “When are you having that baby?” If I had that answer, I’d be rich. Like I said the first 7,398 times you asked, I don’t know. It doesn’t matter when her due date is. Babies come out when they are ready. The due date just gives you a general idea of when she MAY come. It’s like when the cable guy says he’ll be there sometime between 9am and7pm”
**No, I still have not had the baby yet**