Category Archives: Parenting

10 Simple Ways to Connect with your Kids

#advertisement I received compensation from Dr. Scholl’s® to write this post. All opinions are entirely my own. #CustomFitRelief #DrScholls 

10 Simple ways to Connect with your kids

image2As you know, Avery started kindergarten this year! It has been amazing to watch her make new friends, learn new things and have new experiences (like her first field trip, where the highlight was getting to ride a school bus!) She’s really thrived in her new school, and life is good!

However, as good as it’s been, it’s still been a major adjustment for both of us! I went from having my sidekick with me all day, every day (other than the 9 hours a week she was in preschool) to being without my buddy from 8 to 3, 5 days a week! With school and after school activities, our time together has really been cut.

Because of this, I’ve really had to make sure that the time we do have together is quality time. We have some great conversations in the car on the drive to and from school.  It’s amazing the questions and comments she comes up with at 7:15 in the morning. In the afternoons I’m more likely to learn about all the things that make her angry (Usually me)  or annoy her (Usually me, again!) or ruin her life (you guessed it, usually me!) But our best conversations happen during our Friday afternoon walks.

Connect with your child

I’ve found that Friday, after school, is when Avery is finally ready to tell me about all the things she’s done through the week. (On the other days of the week my questions are usually met with “Nothing!” or “I don’t know!”  or just a growl)  It also seems that being outside, in nature, helps her to open up a bit more. I can relate, as I feel more relaxed and open when I’m in the woods, too.

We get outside, we get moving, and we enjoy each other company for that hour or so before we have to head home for dinner.

Mother and daughter

The only issue is, by Friday, my body is shot! After a full week of errands, and work, and just being on my feet so much, I am TIRED!  My lower back aches, my feet hurt, and I’d like to just curl up in bed and hibernate.

But, I can’t do that. And I do really love our weekly walks!

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Walk in the woods

It’s so important to me that I can keep moving, without pain, because as I mentioned above, it’s a big part of how I connect with Avery.

There are many other simple ways that you can connect with your kids, and I’ve put together a list of ten, just for you!

10 Simple Ways to Connect with Your Kids

  1. Be an active participant in their activities: I understand that not everyone has the desire or can make the time commitment to coach their kid’s team, or lead their troop, or teach their class. But, I think it’s super important to be there as much as you can.  Go, cheer them on, tell them how much you love to watch them play. Join in when you can, and practice at home.
  2. Get Outside: Walk in the park or just around your neighborhood. It doesn’t have to be long. Sometimes Avery and I make one loop around the park, other days we walk until it starts to get dark!image1
  3. Make a Date: Once a week or once a month, schedule a date with your child.  It doesn’t have to be anything big. It’s just a chance for you to have one on one time with your child. Go to dinner, or even just out for ice cream! This can be especially nice if you have more than one child.
  4. Work together on something: Set a goal, or start a project. Something simple like “Walk 3 miles a week” or more challenging like “Train for and run a 5k” Or work on a project together. Maybe you work on a huge building brick set, or paint a mural, or read a whole book series! Find a project that you can both work on and complete, together!
  5. Volunteer Together: This is similar to the previous tip, but different enough that I thought it needed it’s own bullet point. Find a cause that you both care about, or that your child cares about and volunteer your time to support it! Maybe you help with a beach clean up because your daughter is passionate about marine life. Or you love knitting, and want to share that hobby with your child by working together to make hats for the homeless, or newborn babies! Visit a nursing home or spend a day volunteering at an animal shelter or food bank.
  6. PLAY!: Get on the floor and play with your kids. Be silly together! Get messy! Play a game! Have a dance party! Be creative! Just play!
  7. Put the Phone Down: Are you always on your phone, checking Facebook or e-mail or work?  Yeah, I’m guilty, too! As a mom who works from home, I can often find it hard to disconnect and set boundaries. I’ve found myself working at dinner, during family outings, and even on vacation! My daughter has noticed and will say “You’re always working!”  So when you are with your kids, make a true effort to put the phone away. I like to tell Avery “I’m going to leave my phone in the other room while we play, so you have my full attention!” and she loves it!
  8. Embrace Their Interests: Is your child super interested in something that maybe you know nothing about?  Help them learn more! Show them that it’s important to you that they explore those interests.  For example, Avery has been very interested in drawing and illustration.  We attended the Festival of Children’s Books and Authors at her school. The next day I took her to the Eric Carle Museum of Picture Book Art, and purchased a learn to draw book.  It means a lot to kids when you help to nurture the things they are passionate about by giving them these tools and experiences.image6
  9. Just Listen: Let your child know that you are there to listen, even on the days they don’t want to talk. Saying “I understand that you don’t want to talk about this right now, but when you are ready, I will be here to listen!”  Means a lot to adults, and even more to kids! You don’t always have to give advice–like adults, kids don’t always want advice. Sometimes they just need to get things off their chest, or talk through a problem. Just listen.
  10. Include them: My daughter loves when we include her in our “grown-up” world.  Getting to have dinner with me and one of my friends, helping her Dave work on a kitchen, helping me make decisions about what dress to wear to a wedding, or something as simple as deciding what to make for dinner. Ask them their opinions, and let them help!

How do you connect with your children? Let us know in the comments, we’d love to hear your ideas!

10 Simple Ways to Connect with your Kids

10 Ways to Connect with your Kids

Be Like Debbie

BE LIKE DEBBIE

We’ve all been there.

We’ve all been the mom, struggling to finish her shopping, or just book it out of the store, while her kid loses their mind-kicking, screaming, melting down.

And we’ve all been witness to these events as they happen to other moms (and dads) around us.

Let me share two stories.

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“Fine. You want to act like that?  We’re leaving. I am tired of this rotten behavior. I do not want to be around you when you act like this, Let’s go. Get up off the floor. I’m leaving, NOW!”  I shouted at Avery in the Toy aisles at Target.

As we turned the corner, I saw an older woman, sitting in one of the display chairs. I made eye contact, expecting the typical knowing smile and nod that moms often give each other when they see a child in the throws of a meltdown. The look that says “We’ve been there, too momma, stay strong, I’ve got you!”

But, instead of a nod, I got a head shake. And then “tsk, tsk” and a “She’s just a little kid.”

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She didn’t see me as a mom, having a rough day, with a kid who was also having a rough day, trying my best to teach my child that we can’t act like jerks and get what we want.

She saw me as a mean mom, being mean to my poor, sweet little girl.

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She (somehow) didn’t hear the screams when I put our items back on the shelf after I was told I was “stupid” because I wouldn’t let my “little kid” buy two of the same kind of cereal just because the boxes had different pictures on them, and made her choose one. She didn’t see that that “little kid” kicking the shopping cart and spilling my coffee and her water on the floor.  She didn’t see the many times I stopped, and calmly tried to diffuse the situation before realizing that there was nothing that could be done, and we HAD to leave. She didn’t see any of that.

But, what if she had? Would her judgment have been the same?

Moms can’t win. Everything we do is looked upon with scrutiny.  Had I allowed Avery to continue to hit me, yell at me, scream and carry on, I’d be the “bad mom” who let’s her kid get away with everything. Turning her into a “spoiled little brat”  But, when I do scold her and tell her that “NO!” she cannot act that way or treat me (or anyone) like that, I’m a “mean mom” who doesn’t understand that “kids are just kids”

Women like that one make moms feel like they are constantly under the microscope. Our every move being watched. We often worry more about how the strangers around us are going to react that we second guess our parenting. We give in to the “one more” or we ignore the sass and nastiness because we don’t want to cause a scene. We feel that no matter what we do, it’s wrong.

But then there was Debbie.

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While visiting family in NY, Avery and I had stopped at Target (shocking, I know) Everything started off fine until she saw t he new Rapunzel dolls. She shouted “OH MY GOD! I WANT THIS!!!”  about a $25 Rapunzel and Flynn playset. “Not today buddy! Put it on your Christmas list, or save your money.”

And then it happened

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She lost her mind. I mean, it was the worst meltdown we have experienced in all of her 5 years on Earth.  It was bad you guys. There was kicking. There was screaming. There was spitting. She threw items down the aisle. A young couple, walking by, looked at the scene with pure panic on their faces, and they quickly made their exit to sporting goods (There’s some birth control for you, kids! No charge! You’re welcome!)  I did my best to diffuse the situation.

via GIPHY

I was calm. I reminded her about the money she already had in her piggy bank, and how she could easily save up the $5 more that she’d need to purchase it herself. I reminded her that we were going to the aquarium the next day, and I tried bribery “If you can calm your feelings, you can choose something at the aquarium…” and then threats “If you don’t stop screaming, we won’t be able to go to the aquarium tomorrow!”

But there was nothing I could do. She was too far gone. She said “If you don’t buy me this I am going to hit you in your face!” and then she did. She hit me in my face!!! And that was it. I yanked her up out of the shopping cart, and tried carrying her out of the store. In hindsight, I should have left her in the cart, because I think you can imagine how hard it is to carry a pissed off 5 year old out of a store that she does NOT want to leave.

We made it to the kids clothes, before she hit me again, knocking my glasses off my face. I knew that at least 10,000 people witnessed this. My face was hot with embarrassment, and anger, and anxiety, and exhaustion…

And then there was Debbie

via GIPHY

I saw her out of the corner of my eye and thought “Great, here we go. Just what I need. Someone to tell me what I’m doing wrong.” She was older, a grandmother perhaps. I expected a side eye. Maybe a not-so-quiet whisper to the woman she was with about the “bad mom” with the screaming kid. But Debbie wasn’t one of those Judgey McJudgersons who knows better than everyone else. She wasn’t there to dispense her parenting expertise. She was there to help me.

“Let me help you! Here, I’ll get your glasses” She retrieved my glasses from under the table of graphic tees. She put them on my face. And then, she put her arms under Avery and helped me hold her. There we were, standing in the aisle of Target. Holding a hysterical child together. This woman I didn’t know. This woman who had only seen me in one of my worst moments. She was helping me, without judgement.

And I cried. I felt so much relief. She saw me in this terrible moment, and she helped.

Debbie spoke softly to Avery. She asked her name, she asked her why she was upset and if she knew why mommy was upset. She asked me to put Avery down, and she got down to her level, and held her little hands. She told her that she knew Santa (I believe her.) And that she needed to breathe, and calm down. Then she told Avery something that was so much more for me than it was for her. She said “You know, you have a really good mommy! She’s is doing a good job, you know.” That was what I needed in that moment. That’s what we all need in those moments, right? Reassurance that we are doing a good job, even if we’re at our worst, even if we feel like we’re barely surviving. We are good moms. We are doing our best.

Avery was mostly calm, but then remembered her small toy she had left in the cart and started to get upset again. Debbie offered to go back with us to retrieve it, which we did. She then set Santa a text, telling him exactly what toy it was that Avery wanted.

I thanked Debbie.

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Well, honestly it was more like this

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or, maybe more like this

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But anyway, I thanked her and we headed to the car where Avery immediately fell asleep.

She was exhausted. That was why she raged the way she did. She was exhausted. Like that mom you hear yelling at her kids in the checkout. That mom is exhausted, Let’s all try a bit harder to extend some grace to moms, and dads, and kids. Remember that you are only seeing a tiny snapshot of their life. You’re only seeing that one moment, which may be their worst moment. Be kind, be compassionate, be a friend.

Be like Debbie.

 

 

 

*Debbie, if you’re reading this, thank you! Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Postpartum Depression In Dads – You Are Not Alone

postpartum depression in dadsPostpartum Depression in Dads

“He’s such a puss”

“Suck it up, dude!”

“This isn’t real! No way this is real!”

“He’s just looking for attention!”

 

These, and other comments, were what I heard the other morning while listening to a local (New England) sports radio station.  The topic?  An interview on Deadspin with Tony Reali, host of ESPN’s Around the Horn, where he opened up about his postpartum depression, anxiety, and intrusive thoughts.

I have written quite a bit about my personal struggle with Postpartum Anxiety, OCD and PTSD.  The stigma that surrounds Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders (PMADs)  is overwhelming. Moms don’t want to tell anyone they are having these feelings, for fear of being judged, viewed as a “bad mom” or not loving their kids, and in some cases, fear of having their children taken from them.

These fears are valid. I mean, take a look at the comments section of any news article about a mom who died from suicide, or whose intrusive thoughts have caused harm.  Actually, you don’t even need to look that far.  Do you have a friend who is a new mom?  Scroll her news feed for any status updates about motherhood being “Hard” and you’ll find plenty of “Enjoy every moment!!”  and “Oh, you’ll miss this!” and “This is the BEST time of your life” type comments. It gives us the idea that we can’t have bad days, we can’t feel anything but constant joy! You see how hard it is for moms. Now, what about dads? How do you think they feel?

Paternal Postnatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders are real.  In fact, research shows that 1 in 10 new dads experience this.  And just like in moms, there is a whole spectrum. Anxiety, Depression, OCD, PTSD, Intrusive thoughts… Dads experience this, too.  (As do adoptive parents, foster parents, non-gestational partners, etc.)

The assumption is that PPD is just a  “women’s issue”  and it’s all about the hormonal changes a woman experiences during and after pregnancy. While hormones do play a role for many, there is much more to it. Men can have the same risk factors as women.

Some of those risk factors include:

  • Family or personal history of mental illness
  • history of trauma or abuse
  • financial stress and marital instability (job loss, divorce, moving, general changes in the family dynamic)
  • struggles with infertility, miscarriage, the loss of a child
  • NICU stay, a sick/medically fragile child
  • Birth trauma, emergency c-section, complications during childbirth
  • Feelings of rejection and abandonment
  • Perfectionist personality
  • Lack of support

And, there is a correlation between the health of mom, and the health of her family.  If mom is suffering from a PMAD, Dad is more likely to suffer from one as well.

Think about it. A husband watches his wife almost die during childbirth.  A dad who went through the pain of infertility or the loss of a pregnancy (or multiple pregnancies) The father who had an abusive dad, or no dad, and is struggling to feel confident in his role as a father. A dad who had a vision of what fatherhood would be like, only to find it is nothing like that vision–perhaps because his child is sick, or his marriage is suffering, or he is having trouble providing, he’s not sleeping and he’s working overtime to make ends meet. These are not uncommon scenarios.

Listening to that (very popular) morning radio show, made me shake with rage. I thought of the men who are suffering, listening to that on their way to work, or in their office, and having it drilled into their heads, over and over, that they are losers. Cry babies. Weak. Selfish. And maybe they can ignore the jerks on the radio, but what if they are listening with friends or coworkers, and those guys are all “Right on!  What a loser! What a p***y!”   We just keep hammering it home that men aren’t allowed to have these feelings. Men need to be tough guys. Emotion is for women.  We make depression in men the punchline of a joke,  And then we wonder why men are dying. We feign shock when depression kills another one of our friends or our favorite actor or musician, or athlete.

Here are a few statistics from the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention:

  • Men die by suicide 3.5x more often than women.
  • White males accounted for 7 of 10 suicides in 2015.
  • The rate of suicide is highest in middle age — white men in particular.

Now, I am not implying that Postpartum Depression in Dads = suicide. Obviously, that is not the case. But I think we really need to be looking at the bigger picture, too. We need to make sure that EVERYONE feels safe reaching out, asking for help.  This isn’t a death sentence, there is hope and there is help.

So,  local radio personalities with a HUGE male following…  instead of making fun of the men who are BRAVE enough to come forward and share their stories, perhaps you could provide resources to your male listeners.

Here are a few you can start with:

Resources for Fathers – Postpartum Support International

Signs of PPD in Men

Postpartum Men

Postpartum Dads (For Dads/partners whose wife/partner is struggling with PMAD)

A Dad’s Story of Male Postpartum Depression – Postpartum Progress

Sad Dads (Science and statistic filled medical journal article)

New Fathers Suffer Postpartum Depression Too – The Good Men Project

When Dad Has Postpartum Depression – PsychCentral

Men and Mental Health -NIMH

Sad Dads – Parents Magazine

Why Dads Get Postpartum Depression – Newsweek

Men Also Get Postpartum Depression – WebMD

Postpartum Depression in Dads – Today’s Parent

(Men)tal Health Awareness – Papa Does Preach

Dads, what you are experiencing is real. There is no shame.  Reach out, talk to a therapist or trusted friend, send me an e-mail (sweetlilblog @ gmail.com)

Don’t suffer in silence. Please know that you are not alone.

Where Was The Village? – On Parenting, Harambe, and Helpers

Harambe

 

Unless you live under a rock, you’ve seen the news reports about the little boy who fell into the Gorilla enclosure at the Cincinnati Zoo. You’ve probably also heard the name calling, finger pointing, and blame.  Blame the mom for not watching her child. Blame the zoo for not making it’s enclosures more secure. Blame, blame and more blame.

What happened was an accident, a terrible, terrifying accident that ended in a heartbreaking tragedy.  Accidents happen, BUT most accidents can be prevented.  And this is one of them.

I’m not blaming mom. Did she look away from her child?  Yes. Did he run away, and end up in a seriously dangerous situation?  Yes. But, I can’t put sole responsibility on her. If you say “My child has never bolted or wandered off!” You’d be lying. If you think “This would never happen to me!” You’d be wrong. It can happen to any of us. The best parents, the best kids.

I’m a mom of one. And in general, it is pretty easy to keep track of my singleton. We’re either one on one, or if my husband is there, two on one.  Which is pretty good coverage.  You’d think, it would be nearly impossible for me to lose track of my kid.

You’d be wrong.

I’ve been there, fortunately for us, it didn’t result in serious injury, or serious danger. I’ve lost Avery. In the second it took me to turn away from her to try on a winter coat, she was gone. A child who had NEVER strayed from my side. Something caught her eye, and she wandered away to investigate.  I turned back to ask if she liked the jacket, and she was gone. I called her name, and she didn’t respond. I realized we were only steps away from the door of the store.  Did she go outside?  Did someone take her? Every worst case scenario flashed through my head. I had only turned around for a second. She had been right next to me.  It felt like hours, but truly was only a matter of minutes….moments… but in that time I thought my world was ending. I found her, sitting terrified net to the bikes.  She had seen a pink bike, wanted a closer look, but when she tried to get back to me she was disoriented and couldn’t find her way back through all the racks.  It took one second. It only takes one second.

As parents we do need to be responsible. We do need to stay vigilant. We do need to know where our kids are and what they are doing.  But, things happen. Most parents take precautions, they may know their child is a “runner” and they may keep them in a stroller, or use a harness/”leash” but sometimes we let our guard down. All of us. And sometimes, our child who NEVER runs off, does.

I’m not going to blame the zoo, either.  Could the enclosure be more secure?  Certainly. I mean, things can always be “better” but honestly, you can’t protect everyone from everything. A fence, a barrier, and a 15 foot drop, should be secure enough to protect most people.  Our local zoo has plenty of exhibits where you COULD probably get in, if you really wanted to.  Could I climb the fence and jump into the seal tank?  Yup! Could I climb over the chain link, and drop into the wolf enclosure?  Sure could! Could my preschooler crawl under the rope, the only thing between her and the kangaroos, and slide down into the little pit where they hang out?  Yes. And I’ve seen other children do it. More than once. The zoo was put into a most terrible position, and they did what they had to do given the circumstances.

So who do I blame?

I blame us.  I blame the people who just look on. Who watch. The people who film, because having something great to put on instagram is more important than helping someone.  The people who say “Not my kid….”  The people who do nothing.

Where is the village we talk so much about?  Where are we when one of our own is in danger?

We fear the repercussions of helping. “Oh, It’s not my kid….I don’t want to interfere…that’s the mom’s job…what if the mom gets mad at me for trying to help…”  WHO CARES?  Just like the sign I see on bus stops and billboards. See Something, Say Something!

I have read multiple accounts from witnesses saying “I saw him crawling towards the edge”  and “My husband is the one filming, you can hear me shouting at the gorilla” or “He was quick! I watch him climb over the fence…”   And nobody, not one person thought “Hmmm, Maybe I should grab this kid before he gets hurt”

I’ve grabbed kids at the playground before they were kicked in the face by another child on a swing. I’ve helped a child off a carousel horse when her foot was stuck and she was falling.  I’ve stood with children who were lost in a store and couldn’t find their mom… I’ve helped.

Where were the helpers?!

I wasn’t there…I guess I don’t really know how it all went down, but I do know there were a lot of people there. I know that someone saw this kid climbing over, under, through the enclosure prior to falling into the pit below.  I know that not one person helped.  I know the village failed. The village said “Not my kid, not my problem”

If we’re going to talk about the village, and how it takes one to raise a child, we need to BE the village. We need to support other moms, help children even if they are not our own. We need to look out for one another.  Not just in moments like this, but all the time. The exhausted mom, holding a crying newborn, whose toddler just knocked over a cup of chocolate milk, the little girl who  wanders a bit too far away from the car while her mom is getting her brother out of his car seat, the dad calling to his daughter who seems to be taking too long in the girls room…  Just help. Look out for one another. It only takes a second to tell that dad “I’ll check to make sure she’s ok” or to stop, and guide the little girl back to her mom, and away from the busy parking lot, or grab napkins and tell the mom “I’ve got it, don’t worry”  or to grab a child climbing a fence, and say “Oh, hang on buddy, I don’t think that is safe.”   You’d want someone to do the same for you, right?  I know I would. I’d much rather have a stranger grab my daughter’s hand, than to have them ignore it, and have her be hit by a car.

Because it only takes a second.

So let’s stop placing the blame, and lets make a change in how we treat and care for each other.

We need to be the village. We need to be the helpers.

It could be your child, it could be my child. We are responsible for ALL children. We are their protectors.

Let’s BE the village.

10 Reasons My Toddler is So Busy

10 Reasons My Toddler Is So BusyAvery had ski lessons today. As I often do, I struck up conversation with one of the other parents. “Which one is yours?”  “Oh, she’s adorable! I love her jacket!” “How old is she?” “Is this her first time skiing?”  The usual small talk. These conversations almost always flow into questions about what other activities our children participate in.  Our list is long, and I am often met with wide eyes and “Oh my! That’s a LOT!”

The thing is, Avery does participate in a LOT of activities. Her current schedule is as follows:

Monday- Sea School
Tuesday- Dance Class
Wednesday- Sea School & Irish Step Dance
Thursday- Skiing
Friday- Nothing
Saturday- Hockey
Sunday- Nothing

In the past she has filled those empty days with soccer, swim, gymnastics, music, and art classes. This summer we’ll be trying  t-ball. She’s got a lot going on. And it is awesome, we love it, and we are happy!

Yet, we still get asked, all the time, why we “over schedule” our kid. Why we spend “so much money” on these activities. “Isn’t preschool enough?”

So why do we do it?  There are a few reasons.

  1. She Enjoys It: Avery loves all of the activities she participates in. If she didn’t, we wouldn’t continue. We do not quit, as I strongly believe that you finish a session/season and want to teach her this. But, if you don’t like something, you do not have to do it again next session.  If we miss a class due to being out of town, or a holiday, Avery notices, and is bummed out about it. She enjoys her activities, and wants to participate. And, while she is a busy bee, she still has plenty of “down-time” to relax, and hang out at home.
  2. She Makes Friends: Of course she already has school friends, and mom’s group friends, but I love that through these other activities she gets to meet even more kids! She has met some of her very best friends in dance classes. I get to meet new people and make new friends, too! Working from home, it’s very nice for me to get out and have some adult interaction every day! Everybody wins!! Friendships from Sports
  3. She’s Fearless & Confident: Every activity she has participated in has taught her to be brave, confident, and overcome fear. She can go out on a stage and perform a dance in front of HUNDREDS of parents. She isn’t afraid to to let go of the crate and skate across the ice. I watched, with tears in my eyes, as she just hopped off the mat and skied right down the hill, without any hesitation. Because of all of these activities, she knows that she is capable of doing ANYTHING! She may tell me on the drive to class “I am scared of _____”  but once we get there, she jumps right in, because she isn’t afraid to fail. I lacked these traits growing up, and if we’re being honest, I still do as an adult. I didn’t want Avery to grow up not trying new things because she was afraid. I look at a physical challenge and will often think “Oh no. I can’t do that. I’ll get hurt or I’ll look stupid.”  Avery doesn’t even seem to look at it as a challenge. She just has the confidence that she can do it.
  4. She’s Learning Perseverance: Hockey has taught her “If you fall, you get right back up and keep going” I think this is important for all kids to know, and I’m really glad that she’s learning this at such a young age! Not once has she fallen and given up. She always gets right back up and continues…which is more than I can say for so many adults!
  5. She’s Finding Her Passion: If you don’t try something, you’ll never know if you will love it. I want Avery to try as many different sports and activities as possible. I’m not grooming her to be an Olympic athlete or world class anything. I just want to help her find the things that bring her joy. But, who knows, maybe she will find that one thing that she truly excels at! I didn’t try things as a kid (usually, because I was afraid to fail or because my parents never pushed me to try anything) and I always wondered if I had played soccer or softball, or continued dance, would I have been good at it?  Maybe not, but I’ll never know, because I never tried.
  6. She’s Healthy & Strong: I don’t think this needs any explanation.  If she’s on the field, or in the studio, or on the slopes, or on the ice….she’s not home on the couch. I also think getting her involved in sports at such an early age (she’s been dancing, and participating in youth sports since she could walk) really helped her with her motor skills!
  7. She’s Spending Time With Me: I know we can spend time at home, but, it’s different. At home there are so many distractions. Also, since I work from home, I’m typically busy with work and not able to give my full attention to Avery. Attending her practices, lessons, and events is fun, quality time where I am focused on her. It gives me so many opportunities to watch her grow, set and accomplish goals. She loves showing me her new skills, and I love watching her.
  8. She’s  Well Rounded:  Maybe at 3 or 4 this doesn’t matter a whole lot (or maybe it does?  I don’t really know) But, I think dipping your toes into all sorts of activities and hobbies can only help you in the long run.  There may come a point where she really focuses on one thing, but for now, we’ll try it all!
  9.  She’s Saving My Sanity: Let’s be honest here, moms & dads. We don’t want to be stuck in the house every day. It’s nice to have a schedule that ensures you will have something to do. Avery also has a lot of energy. She doesn’t have an off button, or even a slow it down button. From 7am to 8pm she is ON. So getting her out of the house to burn off some energy, every day, is a must for us.
  10. She CAN!: Part of our decision to only have one child was because we wanted to ensure that we could provide every opportunity for Avery. We can afford her classes and lessons, and being that I have a more flexible schedule, I am able to bring her. So when people ask “Why?”  I say “Why not?” If Avery asks to try something new, 99% of the time I will say yes. As long as it’s safe, and we are able to provide the opportunity, we’ll do it.

So, there you go. That’s why my child is “over-scheduled” that’s why we are “Sooooooo busy.”  I understand that our schedule isn’t for everyone, but it works for us! If this schedule ever becomes a problem for Avery, we will make changes. I know once she’s in school full time she will need to make some decisions about which activities she’d like to continue. There just wont be time for everything. Until then…we’re enjoying our busy life!

So how about you?  Do your kids participate in sports and other activities? One or more?

I Cried at Preschool Drop Off

preschool children

I cried this morning at preschool drop off.

It wasn’t her first day of school. In fact, I didn’t even cry then. No, it was Avery’s third day of school.

And I cried as I walked back to the car.

It wasn’t because my little tiny baby is growing into a big strong girl. It wasn’t because the moment she saw her teacher, she ran from me, to make sure she was first in line (always)! It wasn’t because I would be drinking coffee without my Starbucks buddy.  It wasn’t because she was crying, begging me not to leave. In fact, it was just the opposite.

I cried because as my daughter walked through the gates to school, her face was full of joy.

PURE JOY!

I saw, in her face, that we had made the most perfect choice for her. The perfect preschool, with the perfect teachers. The perfect experience for our girl.

When we first considered signing Avery up at this particular school, we had to think about a lot of things.  the cost, and the commute. The school, while not absurdly expensive, is also not the least expensive.  And it’s 40 minutes from home.  She could have gone to a school 10 minutes from home, for half the price. But, this school…

This school is different, and we knew in our hearts that it was what Avery needed. Where she would THRIVE.

And she is.

Already, after just 3 days, we know we made the right choice.

Avery asks to go to school every day. She loves it so much.  And isn’t that what every parent hopes and prays for?  That their child will LOVE school, LOVE learning?  Preschool is the foundation that a future of learning is built on.  I wanted Avery to have a strong foundation, and I know that her teachers are the ones to build that foundation.

Her teacher told me after school the other day, “She loves it, she really loves it.  She is so focused on what we’re saying, and she soaks it all in.” And one of the assistant teachers asked “Does she EVER stop smiling?”

Seeing my daughter so excited and happy to go to school, run, smiling, to her teacher to tell her about the previous day’s activities, hearing such positive feedback from her teachers, seeing the perfect foundation being built…

It fills me with joy.

Pure joy.

So, I cried at preschool drop off, today, and odds are pretty good, that I’ll cry on Monday, too.

Why I Want to Send my Daughter to an All-Girls’ School

The History of ArtOur family will be making some changes in the not so distant future.  All good things. And no, I’m not pregnant.  Just some great things on the horizon, that I can’t talk about just yet.  That said, we’ve been thinking a lot about where these changes will lead us. We had been talking a lot about moving south, Nashville to be exact, or moving back home to New York.  That is not longer in our plan, for now, so we’re sticking around New England.

But where?  Where do we want to live? What state? What town? What neighborhood? Where will Avery go to school?

That last question is the most important.

I went to public school my whole life, as did Dave. Private school was never something I considered, I didn’t understand the point of spending so much (SO MUCH) money on K-12 when public schools were just as good (Better, in my biased opinion) Then I had a child. A daughter. In a time where public schools are having serious budget issues, cutting sports and the arts, packing classrooms with more kids than there are desks, and all that Common Core standardized test stuff and teacher burn-out….

And it made me think.

What do I want Avery’s education to look like? What kind of school do I want her to go to?  What kind of community?  What would be best for her?

It may seem like we have  plenty of time, and don’t need to worry about this yet. But she’s 3 and a half. She starts preschool next week, ad this time next year, we’ll really need to have these decisions made.

I started reading, and researching, and looking at schools. I looked at school “grades” but then thought about how, really, what do those numbers mean anyway?  They don’t tell you how much the teachers care about the kids, or how many issues they have with bullying, or what level of importance they put on the arts… So I started reading and researching some more.

Like I said, I never thought I’d want to send my child to private school. And I DEFINITELY never thought I’d want to send my daughter to an all-girls school. But, that’s exactly what I hope to do.

Why?  Why did my feelings change so drastically?

Why I want to send my daughter to an All-Girls’ School:

  • I fell in love with a school… After attending a few events at one local girls school, I fell in love. The girls I met were wonderful. The programs offered were amazing. The community felt like home. I found a school, that opened my eyes to the possibility of sending Avery to a girls’ school.
  • Boy and Girls learn differently… At a girls’ school, the teachers know and understand that, and they are able to cater to the way girls learn.
  • STEM & STEAM & in-between… I don’t know for certain what Avery’s passions will be, but at a girls school, her dreams and aspirations wont be discouraged, or limited. Science, Technology, Engineering, Art, and Math, she will have opportunities to learn and develop in all of those subjects.

Research shows that girls’ school graduates are six times more likely to consider majoring in math, science, and technology and three times more likely to consider engineering careers compared to girls who attend coed schools.

  • Girls Rule the world… Avery will see women in leadership roles. Class president, student council president, every leadership role will be filled by a girl. That’s HUGE. She’ll wont grow up thinking “Only men can be leaders” because strong female leadership is all she will know! She will be surrounded by peer role models.
  • BeYOUtiful… Girls at girls’ schools feel more comfortable sharing their ideas, and expressing themselves. They don’t have to think about conforming to stereotypes. They don’t have to worry about what the boys will think. They can confidently ask questions, speak their minds, and share ideas.

All girls settings seem to provide girls a certain comfort level that helps them develop greater self-confidence and broader interests, especially as they approach adolescence. -Dr. Rosemary C. Salomone

  • R-E-S-P-E-C-T… According to the National Coalition of Girls’ Schools,  Girls’ school students report giving and receiving respect at higher rates then do their female peers at coed schools. Nearly 87% feel their opinions are respected at their school compared to 82.9% of girls at coed independent schools and 58.1% of girls at coed public schools.
  •  Fair & Balanced… Ok, not everything in life is fair, but at a girl’s school students don’t have to worry about unfair dress codes and rules, or gender-biased opportunities.
  • Common Core isn’t a “thing” in private school… While it may not be the most terrible thing in the world (Really, I’m not anti-standardized testing–In fact, I LOVED those tests when I was in school) I want Avery to go to a school where the teachers are free to teach their students in a way that best suits them.
  • Girls go to college to get more knowledge… The NCGS says that almost 100% of girls’ school grads go on to college.

Girls’ school grads are more than twice as likely to go on to earn a doctoral degree. -Goodman Research Group

  • I used to attend an all-girls’ summer camp, growing up. It was called GirlSummer and it was held at Emma Willard School. A Boarding school for girls in Troy, NY.  (If you’ve seen Scent Of A Woman or The Emperor’s Club, you’ve seen the amazing campus.)   Those summer weeks were some of my most memorable times. I loved feeling comfortable to try new things (like tennis, gymnastics, volleyball, and modern dance) and express myself through art, music and theater. It was comfortable and nurturing, and felt like an amazing sisterhood. I’ve always said, I plan to send Avery there every summer, if we can. I had such a small taste of what girls’ school is like, but it left a lasting mark on my heart.
  • I think it will be a great experience for her. I think it will be a good environment for her. I think it will be awesome for her.

So, that’s why I want to send my daughter to a girls’ school.  It just feels like the right thing for our family. I’m not against public school, and of course, this whole plan depends on us having the funds to support it, but it’s what we’re working toward.

When girls go to single-sex schools, they stop being the audience and become the players. -Maya and David Sadker

 

I just hope we can make it happen!

I’d be interested to hear your thoughts on this?  What type of school environment do you want for your child? Public? Private?  Or maybe Homeschool?